Since I claim to be a writer, and have done for over thirty years, (I feel way too young to be able to say that) and I recently had the results of a reverse IQ and career aptitude test explained to me, (and the guy said I should be "writing like hell!" his words, not mine) I thought I'd start here. 

I've thought a lot about writer's block for a long time. I think it's an excuse now, but I didn't used to. For me, it was all about fear. I was afraid of failure. I was afraid of success. I was afraid of offending people who love me, and people I love. I used to distract myself with laundry, or dishes, or creating anxiety about how my bedroom makes me feel like I'm a hoarder. I was afraid of how writing made me feel. I felt good while writing, but if I went back and read what I wrote, I usually freaked myself out for one reason or another. 

And then something happened. Believe it or not, I heard about Robin Williams's suicide. I was heartsick. When I heard he battled depression, part of me was amazed. For about a second. It didn't make sense to me that a man that funny, who improvised his part in Aladdin in about four hours, could be that sad. So I thought about it. 

I've been on Prozac for about twenty years now, and was recently declared legally disabled, and depression was one of my diagnoses, so I related to him, in a way. I thought about how, years ago, during a conversation with my pastor's wife, I mentioned struggling with depression. She said, "You're an intercessor. It makes sense that you feel the burdens of others. How else would you know what to pray about?" I've also heard her say that she believes God gets sad, and has had times where he wanted to share that with her. Make of that what you will. 

At the time, her answer dismayed me. I'm sure I thought something along the lines of "What good does that do me?" I get that I'm supposed to 'renew my mind,' but I don't always get how. Suddenly, I understood it. I believe - in part - that Robin Williams was so funny precisely because he was an intercessor too. He felt the sadness of the world, but didn't realize it wasn't all his. His God-given instinct was to find the funny, to dispel the sadness. To ease the burdens he felt. If he'd been able to see that all the sadness he felt wasn't his, suicide might not have been an option. 

 I know what you're thinking. "What does this have to do with writing? Is this guy a jerk?"

I can be. Most of the time, it's unintentional. Give me a minute.

I've been suicidal.

I hated myself for years.

I thought I was unloved and unlovable.

I was convinced nobody would care whether I wrote anything or not, even if it was good. 

I loved Stephen King as a kid. He was my role model.

Imagine my surprise, as my writing matured, even after I wasn't so avid in reading him, that my stuff was, and is, dark. I scared myself. I made myself sad. 

Good story-telling is about conflict. Most conflicts are internal. Conflicts produce pain. People react to pain in different ways. Not all choices they make are best for them. This produces darkness. Overcoming the darkness makes people feel good. Duh, right?

I am a born-again, Spirit-filled Christian, and I now believe that my writing is a form of prayer. Which means I am no longer afraid of it, or how it makes me feel. 

I've made myself laugh. I've made myself cry. I've turned myself on. 

If you've done that, it means you're good. Whatever you feel, the reader will feel. That's the point, right?

Between me and the Devil, I've thought worse things about myself than anybody else could ever think or say to or about me, so I'm not afraid anymore. So, look out, world, I'm about to get prolific.

Speaking of getting prolific, I recently had a writer friend (who is pretty prolific herself) - Deputy Ricos rocks!- ask me why people say "write every day." I've thought about that too. Here goes.

Stephen King is probably the only person who writes almost every day. Some days, it just ain't there. But it is there more often than it isn't, even if you don't want to write (which is okay).  And, if you're like I was, you probably give yourself stuff about not writing enough. If you're a writer, that's probably the only piece of grief I won't tell you to stop giving yourself. If you believe you're a writer, you have to prove it to yourself before you can prove it to anybody else, so get words on the page, on the screen, or wherever you put them. 

If you think it's pretentious for you to think of yourself as a Writer, get over yourself; I'm about to make it worse. God is a writer. Don't freak out, I happen to believe that you were created in His image. If you're a writer, it's a double-dose deal. Go read Hebrews 12:2. And think about this: if you believe "Holy men of God spake as they were moved..." (look it up, King James Version) who do you think dictated what they wrote down?

My point is, "Be not afraid!"

I hear testimonies about ministries a lot. I used to give myself grief because, being disabled, I'm not particularly inclined to get in the van and go a lot of places. One day, wishing I could take part in "street ministry" I decided I wasn't going to compare myself to other people any more. I decided I'm going to dedicate my life to blessing God my Father. So, I asked him, (being a born-again, Spirit-filled Christian, I believe He can and does speak when spoken to) "How can I bless You, Father?"

His response? "Pray more, and write."

I love when life gets simple. Write on, my friends. Write on.